New Book Reports That Barack Obama Proposed To Another Woman Before Michelle

In other news that no one cares about, I got an over-the-pants handie from a scantly clad woman in North Carolina in 2003. Sure, I’m not proud of that, but if #44 has the courage to admit that he didn’t marry his first true love, so can I.

The scene was incredibly romantic, and I had just placed a brand new pine-scented and tree-shaped air freshener on the rear view mirror of my 1994 Chevy S-10 Tahoe edition. The ladies love pine. Of course I was mindful about the music which was tasteful and at a reasonable volume.

Love was in the air. The next thing I knew my britches were billowing with a little bit of fluid that the French call laissez competcum. I’m sure Barack felt the same way. The first time a lady makes you release the poison, you wanna marry her. It’s just true. You’ll always remember the first person who made you sexually mess your boxers. I imagine a young Barack cumming his ass off and popping the question. I’m sure it was beautiful. I’m sure she wanted to say yes. Deep down inside and after he had cleaned up, Barack knew that there was someone better for him. So did I. We were both right, and we both, presumably, have climaxed many times over; some in our pants and some outside of those same pants. Incredible.