It Is Always Important To Get A Good Stretch In Before Robbing A Dunkin Donuts
Fox – A suspect who robbed a local Dunkin’ Donuts in North Philadelphia was caught on video getting in a good stretch before committing his crime.
Before entering the building shortly before 7 a.m. on Saturday, the suspect was seen wearing all black, latex gloves and a ski mask, taking a pause and doing stretches right before walking in…The suspect stole over $300 from the registers and was last seen leaving the parking lot.
For all you kids out there who are currently still in high school or college–cherish the fuck out of it. Because right now, you’re still at an age where needing to stretch before robbing a Dunkin isn’t even a thought for you. You’re at an age where you can run around for hours and drink all night and wake up the next morning as if none of it ever happened. But for the rest of us? Those of us who are washed? Well this is a necessity.
That’s what happens when you get old. Your body just starts to not work good. You wake up one morning and shit just hurts all over the place because you accidentally went to the gym a couple of months ago. If you’re washed, you can’t just run into a Dunkin all willy-nilly thinking you’re gonna get away that easy with a bag full of cash. If you don’t stretch first, you run in there and right as you jump over the counter to get to the register, you’re dunzo. You’re either pulling a hammy, throwing out your back or something else of the sorts. Now you’re stuck laying there incapacitated on the floor until the cops arrive to haul your ass off to jail. Not good.
I’m just glad this thief respects Father Time enough to know his days as a spring chicken are over. He’s like a Beer League Hero of Thievery.
h/t Jane