Monday Night RAW Sure Was DESTRUCTIVE Last Night, Huh?! (The Ring Broke)

Welcome to another edition of the Tuesday RAW Recap, with me, your host, Robert Fox. Today we’ll be talking about the longest running weekly episodic television show in history, the graps, Monday Night RAW. Let’s, shall we?!

BRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN opened the show with a promo about how he viciously murdered Roman Reigns last week. Between the tone of voice he was using, the pauses he was taking, and just the infliction in general, it sounded like an Alex Jones promo, and it made me realize how much I want Braun to just cut Alex Jones promos all the time.

“I’M A PIONEER. I’M AN EXPLORER. I’M A HUMAN, AND I’M COMING. I’M ANIMATED. I’M ALIVE. MY HEART’S BIG, AND IT’S GOT HOT BLOOD, GOING THROUGH IT FAST. I LIKE TO FIGHT TOO. I LIKE TO EAT. I LIKE TO HAVE CHILDREN. I’M HERE. I GOT A LOT OF FORCE. THIS IS A HUMAN. THIS IS WHAT WE LOOK LIKE. THIS IS WHAT WE ACT LIKE. THIS IS WHAT EVERYBODY WAS LIKE BEFORE US. THIS IS WHAT I AM. I’M A THROWBACK. I’M HERE, AND I’VE GOT THE FIRE OF HUMAN LIBERTY. I’M SETTING FIRES EVERYWHERE, AND HUMANS ARE TURNING ON EVERYWHERE.”

Angle interrupted and announced the Roman Reigns will take on Braun Strowman at Payback, which I don’t love. I mean, I’m sure it’ll be great, but neither man should be losing right now. Roman just retired The Undertaker at WrestleMania and Braun needs rehabbing from his last loss to Reigns. Weird booking!

Jericho and Joe had a fun little television match, but the story here is Joe vs Rollins, who was on commentary. After Joe tapped Y2J, he went back and forth with Seth, because they’ve also been poorly booked into a match neither man should lose. Rollins has gotten to the point where he’s so bad on the mic it baffles me. He’s never been able to cut a promo, but it’s appaling at this point. The simplest “You know what they say…Payback’s a bitch.” sounded like he was trying to memorize an entire film script.

Enzo and Cass had a fun match against The Club where I was once again afraid for Enzo Amore’s life!

“That’s one of the most unique moves I’ve ever seen!” said Michael Cole, in the same tone as when a hot chick says my Star Wars belt is unique.

We’re gonna do the Miz/Ambrose feud again! Kinda like, right after we did it on SmackDown! For the exact same championship! Yaaaaaaay.

This match had potential, but ultimately lost the crowd early and never recovered. Even for a cool spot like Mickie’s armbar transition on Nia, you could hear a pin drop. Sasha and Alexa together is always magical though, it’s like watching Misawa vs Kawada all over again.

Bálor’s WWE trajectory is insanely interesting. He gets signed and is gearing up for a “short stint” in NXT. He spent my entire childhood in NXT.

Then, he’s called up to the main roster, is a top 5 pick in the draft, and beats Kevin Owens, Cesaro, and Rusev in his first match. Later that same night, he becomes the first man to pin Roman Reigns clean in the center of the ring.

At his first pay per view, Summerslam, he beats Seth Rollins for the WWE Universal Championship. A meteoric rise.

In the last two weeks, he’s beaten Jinder Mahal and Curt Hawkins in 2 minute squash matches. What’s going on?

Here’s Bray Wyatt wasting his time by cutting a promo on Randy Orton, who most definitely doesn’t watch Monday Night RAW. I don’t even think he watches SmackDown Live, the show he’s on!

This was my favorite part of RAW. It’s 2017 and that means Jeff Hardy vs Cesaro on RAW is a thing that’s happening. It was awesome, too! Jeff Hardy is 39 and just as good as he’s ever been, and Cesaro is probably a top 10 in-ring worker in the world. When the Hardyz eventually break up and go off as singles workers, Matt being BROKEN, and Jeff being his 2009 self, they’ll be two of the biggest draws in the company.

I had this to say about RAW’s DESTRUCTIVE main event last night…

GOD AS MY WITNESS, THAT REFEREE IS DEAD!!! Seriously John Cone, you were like, 2 inches away from the ring collapsing onto your head. Since it didn’t though, I’ll just say…HAHAHAHAHAHA! What an absurd bump! Why’d you do that?!

This entire match built around the superplex spot, and it was really good. I’m continuously shocked by how great Braun is at such an early stage in his career as well.

The Big Show is clearly in the best shape of his career, and I don’t know why he’s thinking about retiring now. I mean, he’s done everything there is to do, but he just proved that he can still put on a super entertaining match. The finish was telegraphed, because RAW for some fishy reason didn’t have the new LED ring posts/aprons, but I’ll never not pop for a broken ring spot.

And that’ll do it for the RAW recap. Follow me on Twitter for live SmackDown tweets, and if you can’t watch live, I’ll have you a recap tomorrow! I love the graps!