If You're Not From Massachusetts Then It Sucks To Be You Today (And Most Days)

I know us Massachusetts folk are often quite humble, so I’m about to break brand for this blog, but if you’re not in Boston today then just saw your head off with a dull butter knife.

This morning I woke up to a beautiful sunrise and the birds were a chirpin’ and squirrels having sex (I didn’t see that, I just assume it was happening somewhere. Humans can’t be the only creatures that get down with morning after lovin), everything knows that today is a glorious day and it should be celebrated as such. Hell, in honor of Patriots’ Day I jumped in my car, drove to Dunkies and got myself a large coffee and a sausage, egg, and cheese. I don’t even drink coffee and think Dunkin Donuts’ food sucks but not consuming Dunkies on Patriots’ Day would be like not getting communion at church or not doing an Irish Car Bomb on St. Patrick’s Day, it’s sacrilegious. Can’t start a beautiful day off with a bad omen.

Every Patriots’ Day is an exciting day because it’s more or less Boston’s coming out party. We’ve been holed up all winter, hiding from the snow and the biting cold, drinking in dark bars but all along we’ve had our eyes on the calendar waiting for today. The day we finally get to burn our pasty white skin while getting drunk in the daylight. We’re all vampires, rolling out of our coffins, grabbing a pint glass, and getting reacquainted with the sun.

Of course, you can’t talk about Patriots’ Day anymore without mentioning the horrible events of four years ago. That day will forever be on our minds.  But what made April 15, 20013 so horrible is exactly what makes every Patriots’ Day so great. It’s truly a day about the community where everyone gathers and ha a shared experience. It’s the day where we all come together and celebrate the first battles of the Revolutionary War and telling King George to fuck off, that he can’t control us. Today we still give him the finger but we also give it to those who thought some pressure cookers would scare us and change our way of life.

We’ve got morning baseball, we’ve got the day long celebration that is the marathon, and we’ve got playoff hockey tonight. If you’re not from Massachusetts then it sucks to be you is a sentence that makes sense at any time, on any day, but it’s particularly true today. We’ve always got it good but today we are particularly #blessed.

PS – Love how Maine tries to get in on the action by celebrating “Patriot’s Day” today. What single patriots are you guys celebrating, you posers?