When Asked What His Injuries Were From Being Dragged Off Of A Plane, The United Airlines Passenger Said "Everything"

WLKY- The Elizabethtown man who was pulled from an overbooked Louisville-bound flight told WLKY he is recovering in a hospital. Dr. David Dao said he was the man shown in the now viral video being removed from Flight 3411 at Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport on Sunday. Dao said he’s recovering in a Chicago hospital. When asked what his injuries were, he said “everything” and that he was not doing well.

Get ready to cut that check for Dr. David Dao, United! Being able to cash out and retire early thanks to a lawsuit against a big corporation is the true modern day American Dream. I’m sure some people would paint themselves into a corner and complain about what was actually bothering them. Show up to court rocking a neck brace or something. Maybe even go in a wheel chair like Paul Pierce did during the finals. Or even go with the neck and the back routine like Ezal from Friday, since basically everything comes back to the neck or back bone, right?

But not our boy Triple D. He is ready to beat up United Airlines like a, um, United Airlines passenger that won’t give up his seat. Dude’s injuries stretch from his nose to his toes like a Vlady Guerrero strike zone. Old Dao is wise as fuck. He knows you don’t just claim one or two injuries or a specific area. If this was an injury report, it would say D. Dao (Everything) with a red O next to his name. Dr. Dao isn’t getting you any points in your fantasy doctor league for a very, very long time. And by very, very long time I mean never. He is about to have a few extra commas in his bank account and probably equity in an airline as he bids adieu to the doctor game and hangs up with stethoscope forever. Remember how owning one of the railroads in Monopoly was always a nice stream of money? Well think of Dao getting a piece of a real life railroad but with shitload real cash. Granted United’s stock took a bit of a nosedive after Dao went viral. But that’s the price of doing business. Keep fighting the good fight Dr. Dao and know that any redblooded American would trade places with you in a heartbeat, drug-for-gay-sex revelations and all. All Dr. Dao has to do is show up to court like this and just wait for the direct deposit to rain cash like a monsoon.