Getting Hit In The Throat With A Pigeon While Riding A Roller Coaster And Having Its Blood Splatter All Over Your Face Must SUCK

I’ll admit I’m not a roller coaster guy. Actually I’m not a roller coaster that goes upside down guy. I went on one as a kid and it fucked me up for life. Now I sit outside on the bench while 6 year olds run to go on for their 10th time in a row. If that wasn’t emasculating enough, my wife makes me hold her purse before she goes on a roller coaster that goes upside down, likely questioning yet again why she married me. I couldn’t imagine what I would do if a fucking PIGEON flew into me and exploded all its blood and guts all over my face. I don’t think I would ever step foot into an amusement park again. God knows what type of diseases those flying rats have. I’d rather get puked on by the Chaw Dogs like it was the Redman scene from Sandlot. The Rollercoaster Tycoon ride of death would at least be a quick and painful end compared to what I imagine is a slow yet painful death by pigeon disease.

Yet this guy fucking ate that pigeon to the dome and kept going. Sure he was freaked out as fuck out and made a sound I can never unhear when he realized he had a dead pigeon basically in his throat. It actually appears to suck the life out of him for a minute and transforms him into a zombie Eric Trump look-alike.

But then this guy flipped the script by breaking out the coldest one-hand bad boy roller coaster pose + mean mug combo these eyes have ever seen and made sweet sweet lemonade out of that lemon (or pigeon blood if you are being literal).

Have yourself a day pigeon killer and live life to the fullest*

*Until the doctor delivers your blood test results on Tuesday and says you have 3 months left to live because you contracted half of the WebMD catalog of diseases from that garbage bird.