Is Having Pink Eye A PED? Apparently So For One NLL Player
Anybody who follows the sport of lacrosse knows that Mark Matthews is one of the better offensive players of this generation. Guy was a 70-point scorer at Denver and hasn’t averaged less than 4 points per game in his 5 years in the NLL so far. Clearly he’s going to get his points regardless of if he has poop particles in both of his eyes or not. With that being said, Mark Matthews has put up 15 points in the last two games while rocking a massive case of Double Pink Eye. He had 9 alone on Saturday night in Buffalo on 2 goals and 7 assists. Now I’m no mathematician but 15 points in 2 games roughly equates to 7.5 points per game. Which is just about 2 points higher than his career average. All with shit in his eyes. Which leads us to ask the question… does having pink eye count as a PED?
What I think we’re going to have to wait to see here is when other players on the team inevitably come down with pink eye from sharing a locker room with Matthews. It should come as no surprise that the last two games for the Saskatchewan Rush have been on the road. How do you think he got pink eye in the first place? Clearly the boys were having a little fun during the road trips and farting on each others’ pillows in the hotels. That’s just guys being dudes. But when you play with fire like that, more than one people are going to get burned. So eventually more guys on the team are going to get pink eye and after it spreads through the whole Rush roster, it’ll spread to other teams. By the end of the season almost every team in the NLL will be effected by pink eye in some sort of capacity. So now we wait to see what the final stat lines look like at the end of the season. If my calculations are correct, I’m expecting the most point totals in NLL history to be recorded this season. And when that happens, you’ll see pink eye becoming more prevalent across all professional sports after everybody learns of the athletic advantage that comes along with it. And lacrosse fans can hold our heads high knowing that we were the true innovators. Just another W for the lax bros. Who has it better than us?