Church Leaders Are All Pissed Off Because Cadbury Is Removing The "Easter" From Their Egg Hunts

Britain – A move in Britain to rebrand a national Easter egg hunt as simply an “egg hunt” to appeal to non-Christian children has drawn condemnation from the Church of England and Prime Minister Theresa May. “This marketing campaign … highlights the folly in airbrushing faith from Easter,” said a statement from the Church of England sent to The Washington Post. A church spokeswoman told The Post that senior church leaders vehemently opposed the change. Some 300,000 children are expected to attend this year’s hunt, held at 250 sites owned by the National Trust, a charity that promotes conservation. It partners with Cadbury, the maker of the chocolate eggs for the hunt.

HEATHENS. How dare those Satanic barbarians remove the term “Easter” when the religious holiday is so intertwined with the annual ritual of egg hunting? Jesus Christ didn’t die for our sins on Good Friday and rise again on Easter to a giant rabbit delivering him a basket of chocolate, jellybeans, and Peeps for this blasphemous society. How else are these kids supposed to learn about how Ghost Christ led his 12 disciples through Jerusalem spreading the Good Word by having them locate hidden plastic eggs in impossible places? This is definitely not God approved. Granted, he has no problem having his only son violently murdered before sending him literally to hell for 3 days, but this is certainly not cool in the eyes of The Big Man. Now these Church leaders may need to discover a new, random, and pointless correlation to attach the religious holiday or face the Biblical wrath. The Church needs that free, subliminal advertising going for at least another 1,000 years.

All in all, let the man Stephen Colbert explain just how this world and is going to hell in an Easter handbasket, literally. Dammit, I miss that show.