Feminists Are Mad Wonder Woman Doesn't Have Armpit Hair And What Else Is New

Editor’s Note: Called in Kelly Keegs from the bullpen for this one. Take it away, Kelly…

NY Times – Set to debut in theaters on June 2, the new Wonder Woman film will be the first female-centric superhero motion-picture to grace the big screen in some 12 years.

With palpable excitement surrounding the film’s release, the latest trailer, which can be viewed below, has sparked new controversy. Through careful analysis, the internet has exposed a perhaps, not-so wonderful aspect of DC Comics’ newest incarnation of the classic, girl-power superheroine: She has no armpit hair.

While the moment lasts all of a millisecond — it’s a millisecond that has set off a heated debate.

…As Refinery 29 pointed out in a scathing review of the new trailer, the lack of body hair on the female warrior makes us wonder if feminism was swept aside in favor of achieving the ideal female aesthetic. “It’s really hard to believe that Wonder Woman, who has been on an island filled with strong women her entire life, is worried about waxing and then bleaching her pits,” Refinery29 explained, “That is a time-consuming process and she’s a little too busy training ‘10 times harder’ with the Amazons so that she can, you know, save the world.”

Alright, alright. Everyone blow out their feminist torches and put away your pitch forks. The fact that literally anyone in this world is mad about a fictional super hero NOT having armpit hair makes me want to set myself on fire. She’s Wonder Woman. No one cares that she was stuck on an island with no access to razors or Nair. If she doesn’t want hair on her body, she won’t have it. Know why? Because she’s based on a mother fucking cartoon character.

Semantics aside, show me one woman who chooses to have armpit hair for reasons other than she 1. was too lazy in the shower that day or 2. has also burned all of her bras and freelances for Jezebel. Normal people would cover every inch of their bodies in wax strips at once if there was a salon that allowed that. I’d dip my body in a vat of acid from the nose down if it meant I’d be hairless for the rest of my life. I think Wonder Woman can find 30 seconds to hit up a CVS and take care of her situation. You will not convince me that women exist who are like “Yea, this feels great, not totally disgusting. Guys dig this. Can’t wait to hold onto a subway pole in a tank top and show it off.”

Now that we’ve established that feminists are wrong, can we talk about our girl Wonder Woman aka Gal Gadot for a second?

First – she’s some kind of Israeli and has a foreign hot-girl accent. She has a permanent tan. She’s the kind of person that I would use to photoshop my head onto her body if I were trying to catfish people online.

Final nail in the coffin? She and Isla Fisher try on lingerie together and then make out in the movie Keeping Up With The Jones.

I feel qualified enough to say it was the best part of the movie. Hey, Gal, if you’re looking for another girl to play a little tonsil hockey with sometime, give me a call.

Plz shave ur armpits first tho.