Is It EVER Acceptable To Take Slap Shots In Men's League Hockey?

So I recently got back into playing hockey. If you don’t know because I never mention it or tweet about it or talk about it on podcasts or Rundowns I played division I college hockey at Harvard. Sup. Then skated in men’s leagues for years after school until last year when I hurt my leg skiing because I was going too fast and the extreme velocity of my body surpassed my alpine skills. Didn’t touch the ice for 16 months until a few weeks ago when Feits and I laced ‘em up for the troops and charity.

Hopped back out there, the wind flowed through my receding locks, and I was back.

Obviously when you’re out of the game for over a year you forget about a lot of the little on-ice happenings. Of course you get beer league heroes, hardos, benders, etc. etc. That’s all good and fine, you have those everywhere, they’ve been well documented.

What I can’t comprehend is people who wind up and rip clappers in men’s league. It’s psychotic. It makes no sense. Under not one single imaginable circumstance can I understand how winding up for slappers is acceptable in men’s league.

Here are a few of the many reasons not to take slap shots once you’ve graduated from competitive hockey.

1) Puck Danger

Simple and probably the most obvious reason — it’s dangerous. We’re not out here putting our bodies on the line to grind out championships. We’re out here to get away from life, work, the girl, your kids, YP’s camera, whatever it is that typically makes your life suck, skating for a few hours with the boys takes you away from all that and drops you into the competitive environment that reminisces your youth.

We’re rocking 10-year-old buckets with half shields at best. Taking slappers is crazy town. No one can control it and, even if you can, it takes one unlucky deflection for the Tuesday night skate to turn into a multi-thousand-dollar ER trip.

2) Stick Danger

People’s slapper follow throughs may be more unpredictable than their actual slappers. We’re all out of the game, out of shape, and lack any control of our sticks. The puck is dangerous, the stick is too. When you bring clappers into play you go from wielding a sporting tool to wielding a weapon. We’re just trying to stay on our feet out there we don’t need to be ducking and dodging head-high sticks too.

3) Stick Preservation

I don’t know if you’ve been to a hockey store in the last decade but sticks appear to have gone from $50 to $250 overnight. We can’t be buying new twigs every couple weeks. Know how you avoid breaking sticks? Don’t take clappers and don’t take face offs. Save yourself a couple thousand dollars a year.

4) Endurance Preservation

Slap shots require effort. We all know “there’s being in shape then there’s being in hockey shape.” Well most of us aren’t in any shape. Athletic shape, attractive shape, hockey shape. Whatever you want to call it we’re not in it. Each shift is a battle, the last thing you need is to make it even tougher.

Stick to wrist shots folks. Quicker, easier, safer, and saves energy for when you mail it in on the backcheck then flip on the burners for that 2-on-1.

Cliff notes: If you take clappers in men’s league you’re an asshole.