Someone Sent Dirk Nowitzki A Potato In The Mail Because, Well, I Have No Fucking Idea

I see three ways this all plays out. This was either:

A. An innocent, funny gesture of love by someone that just wanted to let Dirk know how much he is loved. Maybe even some Gift of the Magi shit. This potato, a small picture of Dirk, and enough money to cover postage and a padded envelope was all this person had, but it made no difference to them as long as Dirk received the gift. Is it weird? Yes. But it’s less weird than asking someone to sign your toaster I suppose.

B. Some Mavs fan got way too high one night and thought about how Dirk is to the NBA what the potato is to food. Not the fancy or most glamorous option. But any list of the greats has to include him somewhere. And if he was to just disappear one day, things would go to shit quickly (See: Great potato famine in Ireland or basically the Mavs entire history before Dirk got there). That smoked out pothead somehow made this potato before heading to the post office to send Dirk the package, where of course he forgot to include the reason for the potato in the envelope.

or

C. This is the first of an escalating number of weirder and weirder Dirk will be receiving through the mail by someone with the mind of Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs mixed with Jigsaw from Saw and a pinch of Kevin Spacey’s character from Se7en. Maybe this person lost a ton of money in the 2010-11 Finals years ago. Or maybe this person is just some weirdo from Germany with too much time on his hands. Regardless, Dirk is lucky enough to have an owner that will do whatever is necessary to protect him.

Or I guess there is an option D that some Mavs fan older than a dinosaur that just stuck a picture of Dirk onto a potato and it all made sense in her head, like Aunt Bethany’s Christmas gifts in Christmas Vacation. I don’t fucking know.

Actually it turns out to be related to some company from Shark Tank that sells potatoes with messages.

*shrugs*