Who Decided It Was A Good Idea To Put Jungle Gyms In Movie Theaters And Are They In Prison Yet?

LA Times- It’s hard for young children to sit still for two hours, and that can turn a trip to the movies into an ordeal for parents. So what if the solution were to let the kids play at the cinema? Mexico-based movie theater chain Cinepolis is betting it can lure more families back to the multiplex with its new in-theater playground concept, Cinepolis Junior, which makes its U.S. debut at two Southern California locations next week. The remodeled auditoriums at Cinepolis USA’s Pico Rivera and Vista theaters each feature a colorful play area near the screen in front of the seats, a jungle gym, and cushy beanbag chairs. Cinepolis, the world’s fourth-largest cinema operator, hopes the new kid-oriented theaters — which charge up to $3 more than a regular ticket — will help it better compete with Netflix and other at-home options by enticing more parents and children to go to the theater. Designed for ages 3 to 12, the two children’s auditoriums open March 16 to screen Disney’s live-action “Beauty and the Beast” remake. “It’s really intended to make kids feel welcome and comfortable,” said Cinepolis USA Chief Executive Adrian Mijares Elizondo. “The whole idea is to make it easier for parents to take their kids to the movies and let the kids have more fun.”

Is this a joke? Did The Onion write this then a reputable news source picked it up and then I picked it up from them? That has to be the case. Otherwise this is the DUMBEST idea in human history. If you’re a parent who brings their kids to this theater then you are the biggest asshole ever. That particular theater should be empty 24/7. No one should have the audacity to show up to a movie with their stupid screaming kid, toss them in a McDonalds-looking jungle gym and expect to enjoy their experience. This is similar to the coffee beans aged in whiskey barrels in that I hope it’s a setup. I hope it’s a setup and the people who try and bring their kids are immediately assassinated. Not the kids obviously. We can get them new parents. But the parents who think you can have kids playing make believe in a plastic jungle AND enjoy a movie are to crazy for this world. Same goes for the inventor of that godforsaken hell hole. Kill them too.