When You Think You're A Werewolf And Your Mom Is a Vampire, You Have No Choice But To Kill Her

NY Post- A Washington state man who claimed to be a werewolf was arrested on Sunday for stabbing his mom to death. Sheaen Smith, 29, told police that he killed his mom because she is a vampire, news station KIRO reported. On Sunday afternoon, police received a call from Smith rambling about werewolves and vampires from a home in Bellingham, Washington. Authorities arrived to find his mother, 57-year-old Aurora Buol-Smith, dead from stab wounds. A knife was found at the crime scene and Smith was taken into custody.

The United States is a big country. There’s 50 states and each of them have weird phenomenons or occurrences that go on within them. You got a bunch of wiccans running rampant in Massachusetts, the illuminati is alive and well in Colorado (Please refer to Denver Airport conspiracy theory), Lake Monsters with macho names in Vermont, and a Mothman in West Virgini. Yet the rainy state of Washington takes the cake. 2 of the great monsters in history going head-to-head in a mother and son showdown. It is impossible to top both Werewolves AND Vampires.

I am fully on lending to my support to team werewolf here. Everyone knows monsters don’t mix well together. You don’t put Mentos & Diet Coke together and you don’t put Werewolves & Vampires in the same room. See Freddy V. Jason or Godzilla V. Mechagodzilla. Those guys made movies together and yet they all fucking hated each other. If you’re a werewolf trying to listen to Nirvana while minding your own business and your bitchass blood-sucking mom comes home you’re gonna have to do something about it. And by doing stuff about it I mean waiting until there’s a full moon out and plunging a wooden stake into her heart.