Dangle Days Weekend Recap Featuring The Anti-Dangle
We’ve been doing Dangle Days for a while now this year and something happened over this past weekend that was rather unsettling. Something that has shaken this feature down to its core. Something that, quite frankly, I’m not sure the world is ready for yet. Something that is nearly incomprehensible happened. The best dangle to come out of this past weekend was no dangle at all. In fact, it was an anti-dangle. It was such an anti-dangle, in fact, that it was a dangle in itself. Do you understand the complexity of this situation? This move right here from Nikita Kucherov was so much the polar opposite of a dangle that it may have been the most creative dangle of the year.
And in case anybody out there is doubting the cheekiness of Nikita Kucherov, here’s Steven Stamkos offering some confirmation that he did, indeed, intend on ruining Robin Lehner’s life like this.
But here’s the kicker. It would be one thing if it was just Kucherov disrespecting Robin Lehner and his entire family with that move. If it just happened once this weekend, we could laugh it off as a little joke. But that’s not the case. Because next we head over to mother Russia where it was Sergei Shirokov breaking out the same exact no move.
I have no idea how to feel about this. The thing about this move is that it’s a mental dangle more than anything. It doesn’t necessarily take a ton of skill to pull off. All you need to do is just let the puck slide off your stick. But you need to have the mental capacity, the confidence, and the balls to pull this thing off to perfection like these two Russian bastards. Balls and brains. Balls and brains. Balls and brains. In a world where almost any kid playing peewees can pull off the Forsberg these days, the Russians are changing the game and making the anti-dangle the new dangle. Can’t say I hate it. But speaking of the Forsberg…..
Sasha Barkov Is A Bully
A little variation on the Forsberg here since he didn’t finish it off with one hand but the idea is still the same. And what is also still the same is the fact that Aleksander Barkov has been toying with goalies all season in the shootout. Kid is an assassin when it comes to moves like this. Barkov and Kucherov are kind of in the same boat where they are both A1 quality players that very few people outside of legitimate hockey fans have ever even heard of. Maybe it’s just because they both play professional hockey in Florida which isn’t an easy sell marketing wise. But they both have ridiculous amounts of skill and if the league were able to market them better, they would be stars. Anyway, I can’t imagine there’s a single goalie on the other 29 teams in the NHL who likes Barkov because he’s made it his life’s mission to expose them in to Bolivian.
Backside Tailslide of the Week
Not really from the weekend but whatever. This needed to be added because it’s one of those moments where you know the Hockey Gods truly exist. Because it would be one thing for Radek Faksa to just pull off this boardslide zone entry.
But to then regain possession of the puck AND end the shift by putting the puck in the back of the net? That right there is the Hockey Gods looking out for a supreme highlight. All I’m saying is that Faksa better be an unlockable character in the next Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater because that was some perfect balance cheat shit right there.
Your “Patrik Laine Is Way Too Good To Only Be 18-Years-Old” Clip of the Week
Any highlight that comes against the Colorado Avalanche should only count as half a highlight since the Avalanche are barely half a professional hockey team. With that being said, this is still a 10/10 look off from Laine. Which just means it would have been a 20/10 against anybody else. Kid is 2nd in the league in goals with 32 right behind Crosby who has 34. Ironically, they’ve both only played 58 games this season which is 6-8 less than most of the other players in the top 10. But the point I’m trying to make here is that at just 18-years-old, Patrik Laine has proven himself to be a legitimate scoring threat in the National Hockey League anytime the puck is on his stick and it looks like he’s locked in ready to shoot. Which is why he can pull a move like this. His eyes are targeting the cage and he immediately becomes the most lethal player on the ice. Everybody’s attention has to be on him because there’s at least a 20% chance that it’ll be goal #33 for him if they don’t. So he draws everybody’s attention, drops it off to Scheifele with a no-looker and it’s in the back of the net. Kind of a damned if you do, damed if you don’t situation for the Avs there.
John Tavares Must Have Been Great Playing Tag As A Kid
You know when you’re playing shinny and there’s some kid out there just head and shoulders better than everybody out on the ice? It’s not even that he’s trying to show off and be a Johnny Try-Hard. He’s just too good for anybody to keep up with or for anybody to get a body on him. Well that’s John Tavares. The only difference is that he’s not playing shinny. He’s playing in overtime, in the National Hockey League, against the Chicago Blackhawks.
Hockey Guy of the Week
This week we have a tie for Hockey Guy of the Week as these two men both symbolized what it means to be a Hockey Guy. And that’s being a bad ass mother fucker who doesn’t give a shit about anything besides helping their team get those 2 points that are up for takes. It’s basically being the opposite of a Basketball Guy. Don’t Be A Pussy is the Hockey Guy mantra and Clay Travis should have to pay royalties every time he uses it. Anyway, Hockey Guy #1 of the Week goes to Adam McQuaid who got his neck sliced open by a skate that needed 25 stitches to repair.
Playing tonight in Ottawa wasn’t even a question. Guy was born to be a hockey player. He’s not going to let almost dying keep him off the ice and helping his team. Chicks dig scars. Glory lasts forever.
And Hockey Guy #2 goes to Jeff Blashill. He might be shitting the bed a bit by leading the Red Wings to their first non-playoff season since I’ve been alive but he’ll be damned if he lets taking a puck to the face prevent him from coaching.
Psychopath of the Week
Blogged this yesterday but it’s worthy of an encore showing today.
Any time somebody goes full Milbury and climbs into the crowd to beat a fan, it’s going to get blogged. Those are just the rules.
Lax Goal(s) of the Week
On Friday afternoon we had unranked Princeton come out and go bird hunting. Absolutely smoked the then #3 Johns Hopkins Blue Jays. Thanks largely in part to Austin Sims who was casually doing shit like this.
Anybody who has ever played NBA Street before knows that move is called the “Slip n’ Slide”. Austin Sims slips his way through the triple team and proceeds to bomb that shit in the top left corner. Low to high till the day I die.
And then there was freshman Michael Sowers putting clowns on skates with the Finalizer right here.
Wears #22. Broke Mikey Powell’s all time high school assists record. Dodges like Mikey Powell. His name is Michael. I don’t know. I’m just connecting some dots here.
Handball Penalty Shot of the Week
Shut. It. Down.
That does it for this week’s Dangle Days. Thanks for stopping by and hope your Monday morning is a little better now. Stay saucy out there, my friends.