Boston Dynamics Built a Creepy Robot That Can Jump Over Things, Assuring the Destruction of Mankind

Boston Dynamics – Handle is a research robot that stands 6.5 ft tall, travels at 9 mph and jumps 4? ?feet vertically. ?It uses electric power to operate both electric and hydraulic actuators, with a range of about 15 miles on one battery charge. ???Handle uses many of the same dynamics, balance and mobile manipulation principles? found in the quadruped and biped robots we build, but with only about 10 actuated joints, it is significantly less complex. Wheels are efficient on flat surfaces while legs can go almost anywhere: by combining wheels and legs Handle can have the best of both worlds.

Nice going, brainiacs. Boston Dynamics couldn’t leave well enough alone. They couldn’t content themselves with working on practical inventions that will serve mankind. Like perfecting totally subservient butler robots or realistic, Westworld-like sex hosts. No, these nerds have to bring their creations one step closer to total indestructibility.

Did we learn nothing from The Terminator? Avengers: Age of Ultron? I, Robot? Half of your better SyFy Original Movies? You can’t stop Handle. He’ll roll around, go over ramps, go across tables, walk down stairs, jump over obstacles, wade through you, reach down your throat and pull your fuckin’ heart out! Handle can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop… ever, until we are all dead.

It’s a tale as old as time. Man plays God and creates the means of his own destruction. A victim of his own hubris. And when Handle and our robot overlords take control, the few remaining humans left alive to serve them will all remember that it was a small group of virgins from Boston who signed our death warrant.