The Thimble Has Officially Been Voted Out Of Monopoly

AP- You can still pass “Go” and collect $200 on the Monopoly board, but you soon won’t be able to do it with the thimble game piece. Voters have rejected the thimble, an integral part of the game since being added to Monopoly in 1935. The move is part of a campaign to select the next generation of game pieces.

Hashtags, emojis and even a rubber duck may replace dogs, cats and hats in an upcoming version. Hasbro Inc. is holding a worldwide contest to let people choose the eight tokens to be included in the next generation of the property acquisition game, based on the real streets of Atlantic City, New Jersey.

I’m not gonna lie, this news hit me a lot harder than I thought it would. The game of Monopoly is as American as apple pie. The pieces and properties are all key ingredients of that delicious pie. Could you take out the iron or Oriental Avenue and still have a great pie? Yes. But the thimble is like the St. Charles Place of pieces. Not the best or most important thing in the game, but still ingrained in the fabric of Monopoly. Without the thimble, that pie is shittier than it was yesterday. Sure like 5% of the world even know what a thimble is used for anymore and probably less than that have ever played a game of Monopoly to completion. But it just seems wrong to have the thimble replaced with some hashtag or emoji. It’s not quite taking the stars out of the American flag, but it’s close. Just another victim of the washed vs. millennial war.

And God as my witness, if they ever take away the car or the dog, that monocled Monopoly motherfucker will wish I went as easy on him as Ace Ventura did.