I Have No Respect For The Chief Fortune Writer Who Quit Because He Has Writer's Block

Time - The man who’s been delivering us inspiring fortunes for 30 years is nearly out of ideas.

For 30 years, Donald Lau has served as “Chief Fortune Writer” at Wonton Foods, which bills itself as the largest manufacturer of fortune cookies, noodles, and other Chinese staples. Now, he’s stepping down.

Why? He’s got writer’s block.

“I used to write 100 a year, but I’ve only written two or three a month over the past year,” Lau recently told Time.

In the ’80s, when Lau first landed the role at the Queens and Brooklyn-based company, cookie fortunes were, well, fortuitous (think: “A dream you have will come true”). But today, he says, the premium is on new, inspirational sayings that promote Yogi tea bag-style well-being.

The pressure has led Lau to hand his soothsaying responsibilities to another employee: James Wong, a nephew of the company’s founder. Lau will continue to serve as Wonton Food’s Chief Financial Officer.

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Oh boo hoo. Fuck this fortune cookie writer. I’m embarrassed to share the same line of work with him. (Side note, laughed out loud at the idea of a fortune cookie writer and a blogger sharing the same occupation as like, actual writers.) I bang out blog after blog, day after day, year after year. No days off. Firing off some of the most decently average blogs money can buy. And this fortune cookie bro is whining about doing 100 fortune cookies IN A YEAR? That’s nothing. A monkey banging on a keyboard could do that in 8.9 seconds. There’s nothing impressive about doing 100 fortunes in a year. They are one line of nonsense. “You will make a new friend”, “Good luck will come your way”, “Your bald spot isn’t that noticeable if the light is dimmed and you have gotten decently more handsome since 2015″.  Shit like that. It’s not exactly rocket surgery. But nope. Donald Lau just couldn’t handle writing 1 sentence every 4 days. Too much burden on him. So he quit. Up and quit his job as the chief fortune writer. Will the fortune cookie industry survive? Nobody knows.