The Daycare That Is Telling Parents To Get Off Their Phone When They Pick Up Their Kids Can Suck My Dick And My Phone's Dick

Seeing that sign go with the triple threat of bold, underline AND CAPS triggered something inside of me. A rage I have not felt since Game 5 of the 2015 World Series. Any parent that has had to deal with daycare knows the pros and cons of it all. You pass your kid along to someone else and actually get a smidgeon of freedom back in your life for a few hours for the lowlow price of about the price of a MONTH OF RENT. So you can understand why this daycare is on my shit list. In the words of Bill Belichick, I want people at daycare to just do their job. Watch the kids, change their diapers, tire them the fuck out, and then send them home. Maybe with a fingerpainting if you have the time. But don’t you dare tell me what to do when I pick them up. Once I come to get my kid, she is now in my jurisdiction. If I want to hold her by her feet as I catch up on Twitter, that’s what I am going to do. That phone gets me through the hours where I am on the clock with the kid solo and need the tiniest glimpse into what’s going on in the world. It gets me through sitting in waiting rooms, commercial breaks, and long stop lights. If I need some alone time in the bathroom without setting off any alarms in my wife’s head, I can bring the phone in there instead of a full goddamn laptop. Sure I would take a bullet for my kid. But I would also probably take a bullet for my phone (especially since it has the Barstool app on it). Plus it’s not like my kid is going to remember if I didn’t run up to her with a smile on my face at daycare every day. I don’t remember a goddamn thing that happened in my life before 4 years old.

Then again, this sign was apparently hung in Houston. And based on the countless Fuck You Chaps segments on The Podfathers, daycare is about the cost of a slice of pizza down there. So I guess they can act a little sassier. But if you pull a stunt like this in the Northeast, you better be prepared to be challenged to a duel. Somebody got to go.