Gingers Want Their Own Emojis, I'm Sitting This One Out

Daily Mail- It’s been a long, hard battle for redheads the world over. Now, after years of campaigning, ginger people could finally be getting their own emoji. Silicon Valley bosses are set to discuss introducing a ginger emoji into iPhone globally next week. An online petition in Scotland demanding ginger emoji currently has 20,000 signatures.

Oh dear God no. Hey Scotland, pipe the fuck down! We already draw enough attention with our outrageous coloring. You ever heard someone say “He had a shock of red hair?” Ours is the only hair color that can be described by the shocking effect it has on people, and now we’re campaigning for gingemojis. Why? Keep a low profile, accept that society doesn’t want us, and let Darwinism take its course on the under-evolved, sun-sensitive genetic mistakes we are.

For the sake of evaluation, let’s take a look at some mock-ups of the proposed emojis:

Anyone else see a problem with this picture? That guy in the middle looks awfully tan for a ginger. And by tan, I mean black. And that’s… impossible. There is only one skin tone that these emojis should come in, and that’s pink. It’s a common misconception that all gingers are pasty and pale. I’m actually much more pink than white, to the extent that people often remind me to breathe at random times. If we’re going to demand gingemojis for the sake of (racial?) inclusion, let’s at least try to be accurate about it. But really, let’s abandon this altogether.