Shoutout To Bert The Turtle Who Had So Much Sex That He Wore Out His Legs And Had To Be Fitted For Wheels

The Sun- A TORTOISE that developed arthritis after having too much sex has been fitted with a pair of WHEELS. Bert, a 22-year-old African spurred tortoise, now gets around around with the help of the heavy duty wheels which have been strapped to his shell. They are used whenever his back left leg swells up, and his keepers believe he is the largest tortoise in the world to have such wheels fitted. The randy tortoise lives at the Secret Animal Garden at the Dinosaur Adventure Park in Norfolk, where his keepers took the drastic move after they noticed severe swelling in his rear legs restricted his movement. Vets noticed the issue when he returned from a breeding programme in 2011.

Congrats on the sex. Big ups to my man Bert. So much fucking that he done fucked his legs right off his body. Had to be fitted for wheels. You wanna guess what Bert did the second he had those wheels on? I bet it was have sex. Bert’s not gonna stop until his heart stops beating and I guarantee he’ll be having sweet turtle sex when that happens. He’s a world class cocksman and he gonna get his rocks off, legs or no legs. The people who take care of Bert are gonna have to change Bert’s tires on a pretty regular basis. They’re gonna have to be like a NASCAR pit crew. I’m sure they know that. Cause you can take the legs off a sex-addicted turtle but you can’t take the sex addiction out of a legless turtle. Pretty sure that’s how the saying goes. Having wheels is only gonna free up Bert for more sex. Wheels don’t get fatigued or tired. Bert is gonna be able to have more sex, better sex and longer sex. Lady turtles better watch out.