You Can Legitimately Trace The Spawning Of AIDS Back To This Stoolie's Shower Curtain

Reader Email: Is it safe to shower in my roommate’s bathroom?

Smitty –

Need a ruling on my roommate’s shower curtain. This can’t be legal, right?

Um, no, friend. That shower curtain, bathtub, and overall lifestyle violates every building health code in the book. I am man who respects a good shower. You look good, you smell good, you feel good. Simple as that. And you can’t get a decent rinse off when the alien algae manifesting itself on the shower curtain. I would never step foot inside Dante’s 4th level of hell that is that bathroom. How do you even get clean in that thing? It’s the only shower outside of India where you’d exit dirtier than you’ve entered. Now I realize it’s a probably a bachelor pad, but come on man. A $20 investment for a new shower curtain overrides having to fear for that thing coming alive and killing an entire Philly block by resurrecting the Bubonic Plague. Forget about the bathroom, this guy’s entire life needs to be condemned.

Sidebet: What’s your price to eat a three-course meal directly off of that shower curtain? I’d legitimately do it for $1K, but then again I’m legitimately broke. And I’m also not afraid of dying. Sneakily looking forward to the rest.