Former Iowa Hawkeye And Current CFL Player Drew Tate Invites Drug Tester To His House For A Beer When He's Randomly Selected To Be Tested

GIA- During the postgame celebration, Stampeders (and former Iowa Hawkeyes) quarterback Drew Tate was selected for a random drug test. And then magic happened: In the hallway of McMahon Stadium, just a couple of doors down from the resigned Lions locker room, there was Drew Tate having an animated conversation with The Pissman. See, doping control pulled Tate’s name out of the hat for drug testing. Calgary’s No. 2 quarterback provided a urine sample to The Pissman, and thought he was done. Au contraire. Tate’s urine was too diluted. Another sample was required. Tate had post-game plans. There were beers to drink, celebrating to do. And how was he to just magically provide more urine? “I’ve gotta go,” the 32-year-old Texan told the drug tester. “I can’t leave your side,” the rubber-gloved Pissman told Tate. Let’s stop here for a second. I know the Canadians have a different dialect. I’ve watched Bob & Doug McKenzie, after all. But if Canadians really call the drug testing guy “Pissman” as a proper noun, well, I finally have reason to move there. Back to the story: A compromise was made. Drew and his new friend left McMahon together. He couldn’t leave his side, after all.

Tate lives close to the stadium. They went back to the house. The refrigerator opened. One California long neck popped, then a second, then another. The free-spirit Texan prefers his brews to have hops and some kick, and so the three Lagunitas IPAs didn’t stand a chance. Once the third beer – with 6.2% alcohol content in each of ’em, no less – was drained, Tate’s head was right and his bladder full.

Legend stuff. Drew Tate making a drug tester tag along to his house so he could drink three beers and have enough urine in his system to produce a test. It honestly feels like a deleted scene from The Replacements. Couldn’t you just see Shane Falco doing the exact same thing? I know I could. Also, I don’t think the CFL should be drug testing. For anything. Turn heel and do the opposite of whatever the NFL is doing. The CFL should have no steroids testing and have harsh penalties for domestic violence. Why does the CFL test for steroids? They should be the testing ground for what happens when a steroids policy is the wild west. Let guys get juiced outta their skulls and play football. Probably not the best for their health but neither is getting into collisions on the football field that are the equivalent of violent car accidents. Let’em juice. I just wanna see what that looks like.

Shoutout to Drew Tate for being a big part of the best moment of my life