Turns Out It's Not A Good Idea To Steal The President Of The Company's Wallet During Your Interview

YOKOHAMA – A Yokohama man was arrested Monday after admitting he stole a company president’s wallet during a job interview earlier this month. “I wanted to work for that company, but since I haven’t got a job I needed money,” Shogo Takeda, 24, said in owning up to the charges, according to the police. Takeda is suspected of stealing the wallet containing ¥50,000 in cash from the president’s bag during the interview at an elevator maintenance company in Seya Ward, Yokohama, on the evening of Nov. 10. Police believe Takeda took advantage of easy access to the bag when the president briefly left the room. After the interview, the president noticed that the wallet had disappeared and reported the incident to the police, speculating that Takeda could have taken it. The president said only he and Takeda were in the office during the interview.

I’m not gonna go so far as to say I’m on this guy’s side but I will say this, I get it. Job interviews are stressful. Maybe the most stressful thing a person will ever encounter. The worst days of my life are when my grandpa died and any day I ever had a job interview. Those two life events are on the same level of awfulness in my opinion. Some people are good at job interviews and those people can go fuck themselves. People who are good at job interviews have “confidence” and are “good at talking to people” and don’t “sweat through their shirt the night before because they’re so nervous” Would I recommend stealing the wallet of the president of the company during your interview? No. I would not recommend doing that. That’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is that I’m closer to the guy who freaks out and swipes the president’s wallet than I am to those cock-sucking confident people. So I sympathize with him. Stress and anxiety cause people to do crazy things. Pee their pants or cry or steal a wallet. I don’t blame him. I blame human biology.

PS- The best piece of advice I can give for a job interview is this: Bail. Don’t go. Skip it. Don’t have a job. Make no money. Be homeless. Be a failure. Be a dead beat. Be an embarrassment to your family. All of that is better than going to a job interview.