There Is A Double Dare Reunion Special Coming To Nickelodeon On Thanksgiving Eve

Oh fuck yeah, keep shoving those ‘member berries down my throat, Nickelodeon! Because it’s the only thing that will make the sting of Big Sexy signing with the Braves go away. While millions of Stoolies are getting blacked out drunk on the night before Thanksgiving, myself and the other washed up children of the 90s will be putting our kids down as early as humanly possible so we can pour a glass of booze, sit back and answer some easy trivia questions. Sure it probably won’t be the same as Double Dare was back in its hyeday. But old, tired parents like myself can’t turn our noses up at any kind of Double Dare. I hope the night before Thanksgiving becomes the big night for old school shows for all the people that have been worn to a goddamn nub by life. Even America’s most underrated treasure Marc Summers looks more worn out than he should. Dude had some silver fox vibe going during the criminally underrated Unwrapped. But now he just looks tired.

And wouldn’t you know it, the good people at Nick were able to pluck Harvey from whatever Florida flea market he was living at. And shout out to Robin, who always seemed to have the perfect platonic relationship, even though Marc and Harvey were probably dogging each other behind the scenes for her affection like Zach Morris and A.C. Slater.

But I have to admit, I watched that entire commercial with one eye open. Hoping that they wouldn’t unveil Double Dare’s widow maker. The obstacle that cost countless families an all-expense paid trip to a resort. But then BOOM, they hit you with it right in the eyeball like a gallon of slime drenching your ass. The Mo Rivera of the obstacle course. That’s right, the motherfucking nose.

Fuck that nose with a red hot poker. I can’t imagine being covered in fake snot while letting my entire family down because I couldn’t find a flag up a gigantic nose. Regardless, this is much watch status for anyone that grew up in the 90s and I still need to figure out how we can do a Barstool Double Dare at HQ. I would imagine watching a bunch of white, doughy bloggers navigate an obstacle course would be better #content than watching them almost die running a mile on a treadmill. And you know Marc Summers would sneakily fit right in with a bunch of smut bloggers.