Chinese Dude Jumps Into Panda Bear Cage To Impress Girls And Wrestles A Panda, Unfortunately Doesn't Get Mauled To Death

Daily Mail- A tourist wrestled with a giant panda after sneaking into its enclosure in an attempt to impress two female friends. The man, in his 20s, was having a tour of the zoo in southeast China’s Jiangxi province with two women when crossed the 10ft-deep ditch into the panda house. He woke the 260lb animal, Mei Ling, who lunged at his leg and clenched it tightly. But when the intruder tried to get away, the animal wrestled him to the floor.

The pair continued rolling in the grass for several minutes before Mei Ling rolled over and the man made his escape. The foolhardy visitor, whose surname is Chen, was examined by medics after the incident on Thursday and found to be unharmed, The People’s Daily reported.

What kind of dickhead do you have to be to jump into any animal’s cage at a zoo, let alone a panda bear? Actually let me answer my own hypothetical question. You have to be a Grade-A dickhead. I don’t care if Nina Agdal and Kate Beckinsale promise to bathe you with their tongues if you jump into that enclosure. If you wake up any kind of living being, I wish death upon you instantly. Nobody on the planet likes being woken up. And to do it to the sweetest, kindest, coolest creature on the planet should be punishable by death. Or at least some serious sleep depravation used to torture terrorists. That asshole is just lucky that panda bear didn’t carve his apart like Mr. Blonde in Reservoir Dogs or that Chinese zookeepers have more of a brain than the Cincinnati zookeepers. Or else that panda would’ve been smoked by the Chinese like countless others of his brethren. I may hate Chinese for always fucking with Jack Bauer and for trying to take our spot atop the throne of the world. But at least they believe in Darwinism at its core.