D4: The Mighty Ducks - Part II
In case you haven’t been keeping up, yesterday was the 20th anniversary of the 3rd and final piece to The Mighty Ducks trilogy. Quite possibly the greatest sports movie trilogy of all time. And to commemorate this joyous occasion, I decided to give Ducks fans some closure by putting together D4: The Mighty Ducks. You can read up on what all the characters have been up to for the past 20 years here, and you can read Part I of the movie here. And now, without further ado, here is the Part II of D4: The Mighty Ducks.
*The last we saw from the Ducks in Part I, they were all training in Philadelphia for the World Pond Hockey Championship in Minnesota next week*
In the next scene, we are brought to the Minneapolis-Saint Paul International Airport. Waiting in the terminal is Scooter Holland, the varsity goalie from D3. The plane he is waiting for lands and out comes Wolf “The Dentist” Stansson with who else but Gunnar Stahl. It turns out that Scooter and Gunnar were actually twins who were separated at birth. They eventually connected with each other and found out that they were both victims of Conway and the Ducks. Wanting to exact revenge on the Ducks, Scooter decided to create an all-star team to defeat the Ducks at the World Pond Hockey Championships made up of players from the Hawks, Team Iceland and the Eden Hall Warriors varsity team. I’m running out of creative juices so we’ll just call them the Duck Hunters for now. We can change that if any of you have better options.
We go back to Philly where the Ducks’ training is starting to get a little off track. Goldberg’s wife is continually bitching him out for not helping at the deli. Banks is constantly on the phone with his agent trying to figure out his next move. Jesse Hall is kneeling during the entire practice sessions in protest. The sexual tension between Guy and Connie has become unbearable. And Charlie, being just as big of a bitch as always, decides to leave the team. He starts to feel a little resentment. He hates that the team hasn’t kept in touch. Hates how successful Banks has been. Misses Fulton. In over his head in debt. So he just up and leave.
Charlie is wondering the streets of Philly alone and comes across a drug dealer. He needs something to take the edge off so he goes ahead and makes a quick purchase. A few moments later, in comes Coach Orion. Or at least who Charlie thinks is Coach Orion. Really he’s hallucinating and just talking to a homeless bum. But Coach Orion reminds Charlie that the Ducks need him. He gives him this same speech from D3
This is not just about hockey. It’s easy to be confident when you have control of the puck. It’s very, very difficult to keep that confidence when you gotta take whatever strange bounces life throws your way. Don’t be careless, but don’t be too careful either. You cannot be afraid to lose! That’s how you gain the confidence to attack the game when the puck isn’t yours. That’s how you attack life… even when you think you don’t have any control. (actually a pretty damn good speech)
Then make believe Coach Orion reminds Charlie that he better fucking play so that he gets that $113,027.64 he owes his bookie. Right before the rest of the Ducks hop on a flight up to Minnesota, Charlie comes roller blading through the airport with the a quack noise maker and begs them to let him play again. They board the plane and they’re off.
At the World Pond Hockey Championships, the movie splits back and forth between the Ducks games and the Duck Hunters. They are on opposite sides of the bracket and the Duck Hunters are blowing everybody out by at least 10 every game. The Ducks are beating everybody but they’re just squeaking by. Mainly because all the teams that they are playing are too drunk to barely even skate. But they’re winning regardless and they’re on their way to the championship to face the Duck Hunters. However, they know that with the way they’re currently playing, they don’t stand a chance in hell against those guys.
It’s the day of the championship game. The Ducks need a miracle if they want to win and it looks like a miracle is in store. Remember how Luis Mendoza has been spending the past 10 years trying to develop the greatest hockey skate of all time? Well turns out his company finally figured it out. The skates are faster, lighter and more powerful than anything that has ever been made before and they’ll at least allow the Ducks to close the gap a little between them and the Duck Hunters. The game gets underway and it’s back-and-forth for a while. But after 2 periods, the Ducks are down by a goal and confidence is wavering.
Then, out of nowhere, here comes Gordon Bombay. It’s just what the Ducks needed heading into the 3rd period. Bombay is here to save the day and he drives his limo out onto the pond to deliver a pump up speech for the ages. He grew up on these ponds so he knows that it’s safe. As he’s delivering the speech, Wolf “The Dentist” Stansson still holds a grudge against Bombay. So he runs over to the limo, jumps on top of the roof with a hockey stick and starts bashing the fuck out of the roof and windshield. The extra weight on top of the limo causes the ice to crack. Everybody is in the center of the pond and it’s too far anybody to get to safety. The ice cracks completely, everybody drowns and everybody is dead.
[Roll Credits]
Bonus Scene After Credits:
It’s exactly one year after the tragedy. As it turns out, Charlie’s bookie was that little twerp Peter from the original movie. Peter took a life insurance policy out on Charlie before the tragedy and is just now at home receiving his check worth $113,027.64. The TV turns on and it’s set to the local news station. Reports come out that there have been zombie ice hockey players spotted in the area and for everybody to seek shelter immediately.
Ducks Die Together. Coming next fall.