Good Gravy Joel Embiid's Got Some Mitts!

Look at those mitts! I haven’t seen paws like this since I accidentally called a random homeless beer chugger “Banana Hands” at an Eagles tailgate. I’m sure these hands are par for the course among NBA players. They’re genetic freaks in every aspect of biology. But, damn, those are some Paul Buynon worthy gloves that I wouldn’t mind on my squad. Even if Jo-Jo shatters his shit (again) we could just wheel him onto the hardwood to smother all our enemies with one hand and crush skulls like melons with the other. Still would be more than anything Furkan Aldemir brought to the court.

And lest not forget about Jahil Okafor’s hands straight out of Amazonia. Embid and Big Jah could end lives literally with the palms of their hands.