This Dude Riding A Unicycle On Top Of An 840-Foot Chimney Needs To Get Entirely Outta My Face

You know how people talk about being happy they’re not into super weird types of porn? Well maybe most people don’t talk about that but some do. Like we’re all glad we’re not typing “shoves door knob up ass and sings the Lion King theme song” into the porn site search bar. I enjoy watching two heterosexual people have mostly-normal sex and jerking off to it. Done. Well same goes for things you do for thrills. Me? I drink coffee, watch Modern Family and hang out with my friends. Those are the things I really enjoy doing and they give me non-masturbation pleasure. Unlike that goddamn lunatic up on that chimney. Unicycling down an 840-foot structure is the hobby equivalent of typing “shoves door knob up ass and sings the Lion King theme song” into the porn site search bar. His threshold for having a good time is so high that hanging out with friends and drinking a few beers isn’t good enough. He has to hop on a one-wheeled bike and risk death. Was the selfie stick really necessary? I vote no.