The Chicago White Sox Continue To Spit In the Faces of Their Fans, Rename The Cell To "Guarantee Rate Stadium"

White Sox Dave8/24/2016 10:45 PM

I about spit out my coffee and I wasn’t even drinking any when I saw this. Talk about being cuckholded. Being a fan of this franchise is TORCHER!!! Sox fans had one thing left, and one thing only: The Cell. And that money grubbing, blood sucking hardo of a human Jerry Reinsdorf just ripped it away from us. I can’t take it anymore. This is the last gun in the bullet. Midas whale just off myself. All I wanna do is fade into Bolivian.

Truth be told I have no idea what the financials are behind this deal, what this means in terms of signing a non-geriatric free agents (LOL!), or whether or not it’s Reinsdorf or the Illinois Stadium Authority who agreed to this abortion of a name change, but I’ll just assume it was Reinsdorf because I blame all that is wrong in my life on him. Fuck outta here Jerry.

Anyways, when I heard about the Sox agreeing to change the name of their previously named after a defunct-in-Illinois cell phone provider stadium to Guaranteed Rate Stadium, I performed .2 seconds of due diligence before I rabbled with my twitter friends about how outrageous this is. Here’s what you need to know about Guaranteed Rate:

A. They do something with mortgages

2. They’re a member of the Better Business Bureau

D. Their logo is this:

The first thing that came to my mind when I saw their logo was that fat kid who has the funny shirt. You know, this kid:

For some reason I thought there was an arrow pointing down to the kid’s nuts, but apparently there’s not so this entire point is moot and this picture has literally nothing do with anything at all.

Anyways, I asked fellow White Sox fans to join me and get #MadOnline by protesting this heinous act by White Sox. Since the new name is a total layup for White Sox jokes, here’s a few of the best. Some of these tweets are funny, some of them are sad, and some of them are brutally honest.

This guy had the right idea, it’s short and simple:

Guaranteed ”wed all get lost looking for it” Rate Field

HEY WHITE SOX, AT LEAST TAKE ME OUT TO DINNER BEFORE YOU FUCK ME

I mean I love The Cell so fuck outta here with this

#RIPinPeaceHarambe

The White Sox are like Meth. We know they’re bad for our health, we don’t want to do them anymore, but so long as they’re in existence we’ll find a way to get high as shit off them. And I’m talking that choice Heisenberg shit too.

Guaranteed “the White Sox have had internal talks about making this actually happen” Field

Thought it was kinda funny, don’t @ me

Guaranteed “we’ll all still be seeing each other out of this field” Field

Guaranteed “Jose Quintana will win multiple Cy Youngs for the Red Sox when the Sox trade him there for Moncada and Benny Baseball” Field

Guaranteed “this is really starting to sting” Field