Diaper-Wearing Monkey Escapes And Attacks A Wal Mart Employee In The Parking Lot

LANCASTER, Ohio – A pet monkey got loose in a Wal-Mart parking lot in Lancaster, Ohio Sunday night after apparently escaping from a recreational vehicle. Video taken by Richelle Stewart shows a store employee trying to corral the diaper-wearing primate near the shopping cart return area. When the man gets close, however, the monkey can be seen jumping from the metal railing and grabbing him by the arm and clothing. A woman runs up to the employee yelling, “Let him go, let him go, let him go! If he bites you, they will put him down.” The woman grabs the monkey by the hand and walks to an RV parked in the lot.

The people in the car are asking the right question. Why does that lady have a monkey she just casually walks back to her RV with? If I could, I’d like to expand on the questioning. Why is the monkey wearing a diaper? So monkeys are just cool with having a diaper strapped on them? The weirdest part though was her reaction. It was almost like she was shocked that the Wal Mart employee was shocked that he was getting attacked by a monkey. No, lady. You and your Pampers monkey are the fucking weird ones in this scenario. Not the innocent Wal Mart employee who went out to get carts and found himself in the middle of Jumanji. IMO that’s a woman who is stuck between wanting a baby but not wanting the responsibilities of having a baby. Sure dogs are fine but they can’t walk around like a baby human being. So she got herself a monkey to satisfy her need to be paternal. Or she’s just a crazy person. One or the other.

h/t nick