I Want To Eat The Shit Out Of This Incredibly Rare Blue Lobster Caught Off The Cape

Fisherman Wayne Nickerson just caught this baby off the coast of the Cape. I don’t care if the odds in catching one of these things are one in two million. I don’t care that it’s got a genetic defect and that’s why it’s blue. I just know that I want this thing in my belly. Don’t give me the “you can’t eat it! It’s rare and special! It’s to be appreciated!” Fuck that. Rare shit tastes better. Eating a blue lobster is like putting a unicorn in a cage, you say? I’ll do you one better: I’d eat the shit out of a unicorn. Bet they taste like kobe beef and rainbows. I’d eat Big Foot, I bet he tastes like the most delicious beef jerky on earth. I’d fucking eat the human part of a Centaur. Call me a cannibal, I don’t even give a shit, I’ve got a stomach full of magic human so your words can’t hurt me. So you’re damn right I’d eat this blue lobster. Need to eat this blue lobster. It’s going to be showed off at the New England Aquarium so if someone shows up with a pot, bib, and a huge cup of melted butter, let me do my thing. Don’t fuck with a hungry overweight guy.