The Red Sox Are Postponing David Ortiz Bobblehead Night Because the Bobbleheads Are "Not Appropriate For Distribution"

Uhhh, who made these things? It’s not even just the fact that Papi has teeth like a slackjawed Austin Powers who chews rocks for fun and brushes with sticks, the entire thing is a disaster. Paint bleeding all over the place and the WB Mason ad looking like it was pieced together with a box of melted Crayolas. I mean I’ve been hungover at work before but this looks like it was either put together by a Chinese four year old in a sweatshop (it probably was) or Sid from Toy Story. When I first read the release I wondered why they used such heavy-handed language like “unacceptable” and “not appropriate,” seeing as bobbleheads are rarely ever accurate, but I guess you could make the argument that with the white lips this doll is more appropriate for a minstrel show prop than it is for the bleachers at Fenway Park.

But I guess good on the Sox for nipping it in the bud and just deciding to not give them out. You know it killed Werner to swallow any kind of loss. My big question is what happens to these things now? Do they get sent to a third world country? Do you give them to needy kids in the area? Or are they just buried in some horrifying toy cemetery behind Fenway park so some construction crew can dig it up in a few decades and get institutionalized because they can no longer close their eyes without seeing 35,000 deformed, kinda racist David Ortizs bopping their heads around?