The Creator Of "Doug" Revealed If Doug And Patti Mayonnaise Ended Up Together
So the creator of Doug (Jim Jinkins), whose personal life was also the inspiration for much of the show, did an interview with Entertainment Weekly and discussed how he had written the scene to describe if Doug and Patti ended up getting together.
The setting: It’s the eve of Doug’s 10-year reunion, and Doug (much like Jinkins) is a freelance artist living in the big city. Skeeter’s his roommate, Judy’s performing off Broadway, Porkchop’s (inexplicably) alive… and then there’s Patti. What happened to the love of Doug’s life? That’s where Jinkins’ tale about his surprise reconnection with the real Patti Mayonnaise comes in. If you want to know what happens to Doug, you must first find out what happened to Jim:
It’s my ten-year reunion, and I didn’t go. I was in New York working like crazy as a freelancer and just trying to make it there. And I got a phone call in New York and it’s Patti. The real Patti. And my heart’s beating fast. She’s like, ‘I was at the reunion! You weren’t!’ and I was like, ‘Yeah…sorry…I had to work.’ And she goes, ‘I found out you live in New York. Guess what—I do, too!’ And she told me where she lives. We lived across Central Park from each other. And she says, ‘Why don’t you come over for dinner?’
So now we’re in a Doug show. I’m like, what do I wear? What will she look like!? All that’s happening as I’m walking across Central Park to her apartment, just wondering and just hoping, all those things. I was, at the time, very available. I get to the door, and you get buzzed up in New York, and so I walk up to the apartment and I hear the lock turn—it’s getting ready to happen—and she opens the door, and she’s perfect. Just perfect. She just looks spectacular and she’s so happy, and her arms fly up and we hug, and I’m just like [frightened guttural gasping noises]. She backs up and she goes ‘Look, Jimmy! Boobs! I got my boobs!’ [Laughs.] It sounds like I’m making this up, right? And I’m like, ‘Yeah… yeah, uh huh!’ ‘Yeah, they always used to call me Flatty Patti, but look!’ And she was just funny and fun and innocent, but it’s like Doug and Patti together again, ten years later, right?
So this is all wonderful, right? And then she wheels and goes, ‘Oh, Jimmy, I want you to meet my husband.’ And I don’t even remember the rest of the evening.
Lets tell that story using another famous cartoon:
Absolutely brutal shit right there. I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s as realistic as it gets. Nice guy crushes on girl forever only to have his guts ripped out in the end. In fact if you really wanted to get down to it, Patti would probably end up with a fuckboy like Roger while Doug went completely insane in his own private world filled with cheap booze, bad hangovers, and loose women. And Patti backing up the salt truck and dumping it in Doug’s wound by showing that she grew tits was like reading the script to one of those Ben Stiller movies where every other scene is a cringeworthy moment. The hope of every guy that meets his crush years later is that she is either ugly, fat, or looking to finally get together.
This story is yet another reminder of just how brutal life can be, as well as a reminder that if you have a shot at your dream girl, you better take it. Or else there is a chance she is going to grow exquisite breasts and break your heart all over again while you bum around in the friend zone.
However, when push comes to shove, at least Porkchop was still alive. I haven’t thought about it at all so this is may be a hot take, but Porkchop has to be in the Mount Rushmore for TV dogs, right? He was always the ace up Doug’s sleeve and bailed him out of jams like when Mo Rivera would get the ball in the 8th. And thank God that weirdo Judy isn’t on Broadway. That would have set me over the edge more than Patti inadvertently using Doug’s heart as toilet paper.