These People Are Absolutely Devastated That Their Town Hangout Burned Down (It Was A Dunkin Donuts)

I’ve lived in a city for about seven years now and I often find myself cursing it. Too much traffic, too many people, too tough to get a drink at bars, too expensive, etc, etc. But every once in a while I’ll get a reminder at what the grass looks like on the other side of the fence, and I gotta tell you, it looks gross. It’s all burned grass, weeds, and dirt patches because the owner stopped caring about it years ago, much like god stopped caring about towns like this central Pennsylvanian one years ago. I mean these people are downright distraught that their favorite town haunt, a Dunkin Donuts, burned down. Here in cities when your Dunkin Donuts burns down you just go to the one across the street, it doesn’t bring your life to a halt as immediately as a brick wall brings a car to a halt. What’s Alba gonna do now? Go to Turkey Hill, whatever the fuck that is? She doesn’t even like the donuts there! Where’s Dutch going to get his chicken bacon croissant* and meet with his lawyers? How about Edna’s friends, are they supposed to assume that any other shop has discovered the brand new invention that is cold coffee, or iced coffee I guess it’s called? Of course not, this is central PA we’re talking about. Nowhere else is going to have something like cold coffee. Dunkin Donuts is a cheap, classy place to hang with friends and now they’ve got fuck all to do.

PS – When Dutch said that it’s a good place to do “legal work” I almost broke my own neck snapping it back, then when he said it’s where he meets with his attorneys I was like, “Ahhhh, ok. That makes a lot more sense.”

*If you eat Dunkin Donuts food it’s the quickest way to tell someone you’re a garbage person with garbage tastes. Yes, even quick than telling them you’re from the sticks of Pennsylvania.