Apple Replacing The Gun Emoji With A Squirt Gun

Guardian – Apple has replaced its hand gun emoji with a water pistol – reflecting growing despair in America and worldwide over gun crime. The change comes in the wake of continuing gun violence in the US, including thekilling of two black men by police and the resulting spate of deadly attacks against officers. The new green and orange emoji, with white plastic trigger, looks distinctly like a harmless toy and will replace the black and silver revolver. The change, which comes into effect from September, was announced as Apple released 100 new emoji, including a rainbow flag, female athletes, police officers and construction workers and single-parent families.

Well there it is. All the gun violence issues have been fixed. Wont see anymore mass shootings in this country!

What the fuck, Apple! How the hell am I supposed to adequately express my suicidal feelings on Twitter now? Think of all the Mets/Jets/Knicks/Islanders fans out there who NEED that gun emoji. Think about all of us that need to use this emoji combo:

Because words simply dont do our misery justice. And when the Mets blow 8th or 9th inning leads three times in a week and we watch their season start to spiral down the toilet, THIS:

is not gonna get the job done. I need a tiny ass cartoon revolver pointing at a tiny ass yellow head because thats the best way to convey to my internet friends how upset I am. So cut the fucking shit, Apple. Leave me my violent emojis and start focusing on making a battery that doesnt drain instantly as soon as your phone is like 6 months old. Oh and make a keyboard when I’m browsing the internet where the goddam period isnt so freaking close to the space bar. You got bigger fish to fry.

PS – I am willing to compromise with the squirt gun if you provide me with a noose emoji.

Say its for the Boy Scouts or something. Kind of like how the Poop Emoji is actually just chocolate ice cream or the eggplant is used as a dick. Give me a noose and you can use your squirt gun.