Some Parts Of Africa Hire A Guy Called A 'Hyena' To Bang Pubescent Girls And Women To 'Cleanse Them'

 

BBC – Aniva is by all accounts the pre-eminent “hyena” in this village. It’s a traditional title given to a man hired by communities in several remote parts of southern Malawi to provide what’s called sexual “cleansing”. If a man dies, for example, his wife is required by tradition to sleep with Aniva before she can bury him. If a woman has an abortion, again sexual cleansing is required.

And most shockingly, here in Nsanje, teenage girls, after their first menstruation, are made to have sex over a three-day period, to mark their passage from childhood to womanhood. If the girls refuse, it’s believed, disease or some fatal misfortune could befall their families or the village as a whole.

“Most of those I have slept with are girls, school-going girls,” Aniva tells me.

“Some girls are just 12 or 13 years old, but I prefer them older. All these girls find pleasure in having me as their hyena. They actually are proud and tell other people that this man is a real man, he knows how to please a woman.”

 

I’m always interested in those Today I Learned type of facts because you never know when you need to bust out useless information to help yourself through a lull in conversation out there in the world. And, I’ll be honest, it’s going to be tough to find a way to shoehorn in “Hey did you know some communities in Malawi hire grown men to have sex with underaged women, chicks who had abortions, and widows” on a Bumble date without really putting myself in a negative light. But still, it is interesting to learn, albeit more in the sense of wondering how it’s possible for something like this to go on in 2016. It’s easy to beat up other cultures and point out how fucked up some of the things they do seem to our “enlightened world views” but a dude’s job description literally being Clean those pussies out by fucking em real good is some next level shit. Especially as he goes on with stuff like this:

 

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Like I don’t think he’s lying, they probably do that. And that’s some cultural Stockholm Syndrome going on. A girl’s first time shouldn’t be getting hollowed out by this hyena dude after her African quinceañera (the piñata is just them literally beating the innards out of an elk I presume), it should be after getting pressured by one of her peers and ultimately fumbling around in the dark for two minutes but convincing herself that it’s true love. Not feeling like she has to get this dude paper towels to wipe the load off his belly and awkwardly cuddle all night because her parents think she has Boo from Super Mario in her vag. I’ve got a good mind to stop my checks for 40 cents a day to Sally Struthers if they don’t cut the hyena shit out.

 

Also, spoiler alert from the article on whether the hyena dude would use one on his own daughter:

 

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Shocker that the guy who’s been doing this sham for 30 years and has AIDS thinks it’s not quite right for his own daughter. Then again, I really wouldn’t have been surprised if he looked into the camera and said “I’ll do the cleansing myself.” After the hyena story existing in the first place, nothing is surprising.