Dude Bikes All The Way Across The Country Only To Have His Bike Stolen In Philly
6 abc – It was late last year when Jimmy Mulholland of Media, Delaware County, found himself at the crossroads at the age of 20.
“I was doing really bad in school. I needed something to cheer me up. I needed some self-confidence for myself, and I decided to do a bike trip across America by myself,” said Mulholland. You read that right…Jimmy flew out to Portland, Oregon, with his bicycle, and started his 4,229-mile journey back to the East Coast.
“I biked in snow. I biked in rain. I bike in 100 degree weather. I saw it all,” said Mulholland…But then, last week, Jimmy locked his beloved bike at 30th Street Station, and when he returned, several hours later, it was gone.
Here’s a little life lesson I have for our pal Jimmy over here. History often repeats itself. So take an event like HitchBOT. That little piece of shit robot traveled all across the world only to meet its demise in the City of Brotherly Love. What makes you think that you and your Huffy are any better/different? Just because you logged 4,229 miles on that bad boy, all of a sudden you think you’re invincible? Think again, Jabroni. Because the only thing invincible in this city is Vince Papale and Mark Wahlberg by association. Now everybody might say that people from Philly are assholes. That we are scumbags and every other name in the book. But really, we’re just misunderstood. Because all we’re trying to do here is prove to everybody that nothing in life is ever guaranteed. Sure, you could spend months and months riding your bike from Portland to Virginia. That doesn’t mean that one day you could wake up and some dickbag takes it away from you. And yes, the bike is a metaphor for life if you’re too dense to have picked up on that already. It’s called tough love. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows and perfectly shaven pubic areas. Sometimes you’re going to run into a little bush here and there, and Philly is here to remind you of that.
But seriously, this is a fucked up move so let’s try to help out Jimmy as much as we can. The bike is a 1984 Fuji Touring Series IV with stickers on it from every state he went through. Seems like a tough bike to confuse with anybody else’s. So if you’re in the area and you come across that bike, as the person riding it if his name is Jimmy. If he’s not Jimmy, then beat his ass like Rocky.