The Eliminator: TV Dads
Pick which one of the four you would eliminate
Four of my favorite motherfuckers in TV history (pun intended) go toe-to-toe in this Father’s Day eliminator. We have Eric Taylor, the moral compass of Friday Night Lights with what may be the most impressive resume of the four. He was able to coach boys and turn them into men, all while raising a smokeshow daughter with minimal bumps in the road (except her time with The Swede. Fuck that guy). Having your daughter end up with Matt Saracen is really all a dad can ask for. Coach Taylor also was able to love Gracie Belle despite being the ugliest human/alien baby ever. Oh yeah and he was lucky enough to marry the GOAT TV wife and mom.
We also have Homer Simpson, who I remember laughing at for being a big, dumb, happy, fat idiot when I was a kid. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that Homer Simpson lives the goddamn life and is who all dads should strive to be. When push comes to shove, Randy Marsh may be the funniest character on South Park. I mean Cartman is probably the Michael Jordan of South Park. You can give him MVP of every season. But Randy Marsh, especially lately as his stories have gotten especially ridiculous like being fucking LORDE, is quickly becoming the straw the stirs the drink in that small Colorado town. And last but certainlly not least is Frank Reynolds. I crack up just watching Frank take out his gun at the drop of a hat. Add in things like Mantis Toboggan and his ludicrous friendship with Charlie, and you realize just how great Frank is. Sure he is a shitty dad, but Frank is just as much of a snake (if not moreso) than the rest of the gang and took Always Sunny to another level, when it was already on a Hall of Fame trajectory.
So vote for who you would eliminate below and then act as the beer bitch for your dad today. Maybe even make him a plate. That dude gave up a life of happiness so you could be alive.
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And in case you wanted a good cry today, here is the infamous Fresh Prince dad scene. Happy Father’s Day to all the dad Stoolies out there!
Seeing that statue at the end of the video gets me every time