"Hamilton" Has Reached The Peak Of Success, Will Have a Musical Porn Parody Made Called "Hamiltoe"

Elite Daily - WoodRocket, a company that has billed itself as porn’s answer to “Weird Al” Yankovic with parodies like “Gnardians of the Galaxy” and “Fap To The Future,” is proving that theory true one more time with the announcement it is currently in production of “Hamiltoe,” the porn version of the Broadway mega-hit “Hamilton.”

In an exclusive press release given to Elite Daily, WoodRocket Founder Lee Roy Myers said, ‘Hamiltoe’ will be revolutionary. It will be the first hip-hop porn musical spoofing a Broadway show, celebrating a historical figure. And it will have anal sex.

That’s when you know you’ve made it in life. Not the number of 0’s in your bank account, not the number of followers on Twitter, but when you have a porn parody made in your likeness. When you have the musical stylings once heard in “Ten-Inch Mutant Ninja Turtles” as the backdrop to a guy dressed up as you having anal sex. That’s the true sign of success. 16 Tony Awards mean nothing if there’s not an AVN Award right next to them.

When Hamilton did their song and dance thing at the Oscars or Emmys or whatever it was, I didn’t really understand what all the hoopla was about. Seemed like it would get real old, real quick watching some guy rap about the 1700’s. But it’s the hottest thing on Earth right now, so more power to them. I know this kid who spent 4k on 2 tickets to see it in New York. $4,000 for two tickets to a play. I wanted to punch him in the throat when he told me that. I’m going to spend 0k to see it on the Internet while people do standing 69, so you tell me who the real winner is.

PS: Better hope Simon isn’t a Revolutionary War buff or this could be the porn that ends his life. Boner just falls right off onto the floor.