Classic Party Foul: Aqib Talib Got So Drunk That He Forgot That He Got So Drunk He Shot Himself

Via USP

That’s a all-time Jimbo right there. Is there more of a Super Bowl hangover move than being too drunk to remember that you were so drunk that you can’t remember whether or not you shot your own leg? According to Denvers 9news.com, Aqib Talib apparently lifted a plotline straight out of the classic Ashton Kutcher film “Dude Who Shot Myself In My Thigh?” and has been telling his family that he was the culprit. Always the last person you’d supsect.

ESPNs Adam Schefter has further details: “One league source said NFL commissioner Roger Goodell doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t like guns in the hands of intoxicated players, and he especially doesn’t like guns in the hands of intoxicated players who have a history with guns like Talib has,” and that the NFL security apparatus will be launching their own investigation. This is wonderfull news given that if there are two organizations that you historically have to trust to dole out justice swiftly and accurately when it comes to high profile crimes caught on video its the National Football League and the Dallas Metropolitan Police Department.

Here’s what you do if you’re Talib- just give the police an accurate description of the shooter even if it was just yourself. Tell them black male, approximately 30 years of age who appeared extremely intoxicated and likely to bite on a double move. Technically none of that is untrue. I guarantee you they arrest half the city before Sundown and you walk away scot-free except obviously for the gunshot wound to your leg.

But now TMZ is reporting that they have a video of the shooting, and that its unlikely it was Aqib who pulled the trigger given there were four expensive bullets fired, since if we know anything about Talib its that he only takes cheap shots. I thought initially it could be an understandable attempt on Talib’s part to skip the honorary meet and greet with Obama and the rest of the Broncos. But meanwhile Donald Trump has been consistantly shooting himself in the foot over the past 10 months and his chances of going to the White House have actually increased. Shows you that Talib could have gone if he had really wanted to.