Joel Embiid Declares He's #FinallyHealthy, Gets On The Kevin Durant To Philly Train

Jo-Jo is back and on the recruiting trail, baby! Get that man a Shirley Temple or 12 for all his effort. EXTRA GRENADINE. Even though both of these posts are most likely outright lies. I hope those billion dead baby stem cells Embiid got in Qatar magically cured his foot, but I know he’s probably not 100%. Same goes for ANY truth behind Durant coming to Philly. No chance in hell. Joel played the same cards two years ago with LeBron so it’s just the man doing his thing. Plus Durant has a Nationals tat on his stomach for Christ sake. He’s either staying in OKC or going back home to DC, and that’s absolutely fine. Still though, unless Colangelo royally fucks the process (solid chance), expect a few studs to make South Philly their stable in the next couple years.

And yeah, yeah, yeah. I know this mighty African hasn’t played a single minute of professional basketball since drafting him 2 years ago. I’m not going to Mo out anymore and ejaculate every time Joel Embiid looks like he’s coming back…but you still can’t stop me from getting hard. Just think about this monster’s capability. Especially when Embiid’s foot was just injected with a full dead fetus worth of stem cells that’ll make him immortal. You gotta salivate over that pure potential as mutant Jo-Jo legitimately could be unstoppable. All we’re going to need is to toss him the ball and have him Dream Shake his dick into the record books. Here’s Embiid doing his one-on-one thing (from last year) to make it move even more.

No real defense. Walk and a half.  Missed dunk.  I couldn’t give ten shits.  Joel Embiid’s got two wheels that aren’t in boots for once and if once he’s healthy he’s going to be a certified beast. Embiid, Noel, Okafor (trade bait baby!), the #1 overall pick in (probably) Ben Simmons, a few more lottery opportunities next year, mega cap space, and Dario Saric who experts are still saying is hand’s down one of best basketball players not in America right now.  Yeah, this entire thing is going to be beautiful one day. CUE IT THE FUCK UP!