Airports Are Bringing In Clowns And Mini Horses To Soothe Passengers In Long Lines

I’m not a travel complainer. When I book a trip I know I’ve signed myself up for a handful of things: I know on the day of the flight I’m going to keep telling myself that I’ve got plenty of time to pack and get to the airport right up until it’s time to panic because I have 15 minutes to get to my gate, I know I’m going to stand in long lines and drain my phone battery to stressful levels, and I know I’m going to get drunk on shitty Bloody Marys in-flight. That’s the itinerary I agree to when I buy a plane ticket, and I’m fine with that.

Know what appears nowhere in that itinerary? Dealing with actual clowns or animals. That’s where I draw the line. I’ll deal with morons, lines, and stress but I will not tolerate the Big Apple Circus in my face. The only thing that genuinely pisses me off is when people try and cheer me up. I’m totally fine stewing in my own anger, in fact I love it. I love giving death stares, rolling my eyes, mumbling horrible things, and acting out vicious rage scenarios in my head. Just let me do that. Don’t put juggling clowns in my way because that’s going to get me to say some shit that really ruins both my day and future flying plans.