Good News! April 2016 = Hottest April Ever And Scientists Have Declared A "Climate Emergency"

NASA says April 2016 was the hottest April on record, keeping this year on track to be hottest year ever. https://t.co/ZygHPocBUn

— CNN Breaking News (@cnnbrk) May 16, 2016

CNN — Another month, another climate worry.

This year the Earth experienced the warmest April on record, keeping 2016 on track to be the hottest year yet and by the biggest margin ever.

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The data that just keeps getting worse has prompted scientists to declare a “climate emergency” and is already casting doubts on pledges made in the Paris agreement to keep temperature rises well below the 2 degrees Celsius that scientists say will have catastrophic consequences on the planet.

Great news! Looks like all of our tweets about how unfair the weather is and how all we want is for it to just be summer all the time finally worked. They’re deeming this a “climate emergency”? Oh no, April 2016 was warmer than all of the other Aprils… and that’s supposed to upset us? We’re pretty simple people. We like to eat food and drink beers and we like to do it in warm weather with the sun shining on our faces. You know what makes that more likely? Heat. Warmer weather. Rising temperatures. If NASA keeps hitting me with these good news statistics I might just go buy a bunch of hairspray and start running around spraying that shit everywhere. Why settle for a 1 degree temperature increase when we could have 5, maybe 10? Why be happy with 65 degree April #beachdayz when we could have 75 degree April #beachdayz?

Looks like all we have to do to keep this hot streak (lol) going is keep cranking out greenhouse gas emissions:

Scientists and leaders have agreed that global greenhouse gas emissions will need to peak soon and be followed by quick reductions over the years ahead to contain temperature rises.

Emissions need to go down? We’re right on track!

Also, it looks like we’re going to need to find a way to combat this La Nina thing. Never heard of it but it sounds bad for all this awesome hot weather we’ve been having:

Temperature rises have had a boost in the past year from a strong El Nino, a weather event characterized by the warming of ocean waters in the tropical Pacific Ocean that brings extreme weather, including drought and heavy rains, to other parts of the world.

There is hope that a La Nina may be creeping in, which typically cools the Pacific waters.

Cools the Pacific waters? Don’t like that. Don’t like that one bit. Looks like our plan is simple: Keep pumping out carbon emissions and help El Nino defeat La Nina and this great trend will continue. Fail, and we’ll leave our children’s children with a less hot planet earth. Is that really the legacy you want to leave behind?