Surviving Barstool S4 Ep. 3 | Shocking Betrayal Rocks the TribesWATCH NOW

Ted Cruz just cost himself Maryland and Delaware with his timid take on Joe Flacco's Eliteness

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Next Tuesday is what pundits are referring to as “the Flacco-primary” as both Delaware and Maryland voters head to the polls, and Ted just literally just gift-wrapped them for Donald Trump with this mealy-mouthed take on Joe Flacco. Like it or not pandering is a huge part of running for office, and say what you will about Hillary Clinton but she’s not above carrying french fries around in her bag and speaking at a “women for Ben Rothlisberger” rally to try and win Pennsylvania next week.

Trump even gave Cruz a opening by praising Tom Brady to a crowd full of Ravens fans earlier this week, but Ted pissed it down the drain like a poutine smoothie by failing to cement his pro-Flacco bonifides. Calling my shot right now, Trump wins both DE and MD by double digits since at least the man can talk football:

Meanwhile, Ted’s policy of “letting the fans answer” is literally pro-choice, plus its boring and exactly the type of dangerous policy-making thats gotten our nation into the hole we’re in these days with China farting up our faces and Tyrod Taylor starting in the Probowl. The ironic part of Cruz’s statement is that if America gave NFL fans complete power to run the country, Ted would lose this election infinity-to-zero to a Trump/Tebow ticket and we would of commissioned Smash Mouth to rewrite the National Anthem in 1997.

Way to go Ted.

PS

Didn’t think this was possible but Ted Cruz has somehow managed to lose the “which candidate would you rather have a beer with” factor to a guy who literally doesn’t drink.