The Japanese Have Invented A Full Body Virtual Reality Masturbation Suit

Attn – If internet porn leaves you cold, and you can’t manage the hassle of finding a real, live, woman to have sex with, a Japanese company has an attractive offer for you. Male sex toy manufacturer Tenga has introduced a virtual reality bodysuit that simulates sexual intercourse, and takes partners out of the equation, Mic reported. The Illusion VR bodysuit comes equipped with a Tenga masturbation device that stimulates the penis, and with grope-able fake breasts. The suit sends “impulses all over the wearer’s body to make it feel like another human being is touching them,”according to ir.net. The device was created for use with Illusion’s Oculus game “Sexy Beach,” which lets players customize female avatars and have sex with them in virtual reality, while being stimulated to orgasm in actual reality. The suit costs $400 and is already sold out, according to Mic. “I think in the future, the virtual real will become more real than actual real sex,” Tenga CEO Tsuneki Sato told Motherboard.

Welp, thats it for chicks. You had a nice run. You were a pretty important piece of the human race but your services are no longer needed. We can take it from here. Virtual Reality Fuck Suits are the future and the future is now. Would you rather:

A) Wine and dine a chick while awkwardly trying to trick/convince her to have sex with you, only to eventually succumb to her pressures for an unnatural monogamous relationship where your sexual activity will inevitably dwindle until it eventually ceases to exist all together, thereby leaving you legally and financially trapped with a woman who wont fuck you.

OR

B) Put on your Virtual Reality Fuck Suit absolutely whenever you want and get your D fucked and sucked by a robot while you squeeze on some nice ass titties?

I know what I’m picking. Sex Suit morning noon and night. I’d treat that Fuck Suit like pizza bagels. Virtual Reality Robot Sex in the morning, Virtual Reality Robot Sex in the evening, Virtual Reality Robot Sex at supper time. (Sidenote: always drives me crazy that the Bagel Bites song skips over lunch. Evening and supper time are the same thing. No mention of Bagel Bites mid day. I know what they are saying but, still, drives me nuts). I’d have 3 or 4 of those things hanging in my closet like Mr. Rogers’ cardigans. I dont even care that the boobs are completely in the wrong place. And the Japanese are killing me not even including an ass at all. I know its pancake butts as far as those skinny eyes can see in Tokyo, but you could have at least included some cheeks for the rest of the planet that are all Ass Guys. But beggars cant be choosers and right now I’m a washed up dad with a 4 month old. I’ll fucking take what I can get. My wife is gonna come home nightly and find your boy dressed up in this thing like some sort of porno Storm Trooper. Looking like some pervert Power Ranger.

And as far as the future of the human race now that we can just kick women to the curb altogether, scientists got that shit on lock with stem cells and what not. We’ll just manufacture humans in a factory basically while we all run around getting our real dicks virtually sucked.