You Do NOT Want To Mess With This Alpha Male Gorilla's Mojo

YT – Kijito the silverback gorilla charges and jumps onto the glass when the visitor has his back turned to the enclosure at Henry Doorly Zoo in Omaha, Nebraska.

9 million dollars. That would be the pricetag for my gangly frame to stand for 2 minutes inside the Alpha Monkey’s domicile. Just figure that’s the amount that would be worth a face transplant, hardcore rabies, and castration via Gorilla fangs. I just assumed he was just going to playfully throw some feces at Goth earrings or spit in some faces Kramer style. Holy hell was I wrong. If he has a few more runs on that reinforced bullet proof glass at place would’ve ended up looking like a scene from Planet of the Apes meets American Psycho.

The Alpha Male doesn’t fuck around cause he knows he has the sweetest life in the world he needs to defend. I snapped this photo at the Philly Zoo of the description of Jabari, the resident Alpha Male Silverback, because I was so impressed with his style:

JABARI, the silverback male, was born Februraty 5, 1985 in Chicago.  When Jabari isn’t eating, he’s napping or keeping tabs on the females.

Eating, napping, and fucking bitches. That is the official description that the Philadelphia Zoo put out on what the Alpha Male’s life is all about. Basically the king of all kings. No shit they’re gonna defend what they have to the death. I would too if I had that life at stake.

Seriously though, don’t mess with the monkeys. Any kind of Rafiki will rip you to shreds and then swing from your intestines.

h/t Tim