Like An Idiot, JPP Says His Hand Is Fine And He Doesn't Need To Use The Club Anymore
Jason, you goddamn MORON! Having a handicap is a blessing from the working gods themselves. When people see you have a handicap, you are able to get away with stuff that other people can’t. Like when George faked being handicapped because of his cane. Do you see the smile on his face? From ear to ear, baby!
Same goes for if you just act like you are dumb or incompetent. People will start doing shit for you so you don’t screw it up. That’s how life works, man.
And you know who hates clubs? Offensive linemen. Whenever you hear about their least favorite players to block against, they mention athletic freaks (like 2010-2014 JPP) and guys that beat the piss out of them with a club (like 2015 JPP). 2016 JPP could be both of those players combined. Sure, Club JPP couldn’t wrap up a soul. But 2016 Sometimes Club JPP could throw on some sort of removable club whenever he wanted to pummel a left tackle during the game then go No Club on big pass rushing down. Same rules applied when you were off sick from school. Feel better around the time Price Is Right came on and then take a nap from 12-1 during the news. Nobody is going to call out a guy for only using his club sometimes because then that is being mean to a handicapped person. Outrage city. But coming out and saying your hand is OK and there is no need for the club is idiotic. It’s like a doctor prescribing you a medical marijuana card and you ripping it up and saying you will go with some Advil instead.
Oh yeah, and Jason, your hand is not fine. Hasn’t been since July 4th 2015. Never will be again (unless they invent some sort of Luke Skywalker hand replacement shit in the next 10 years, which would be awesome). If you don’t believe me, ask Adam Schefter to tweet you your medical records. Because this is not okay (Warning NSFL).
