Boston.Com Love Letters - My Boyfriend Had Sex With Prostitutes
I’m a woman who has been seeing a man for about eight months. He is very nice and sweet to me. However, we went on a trip late last year to the city where he grew up, where prostitution is legal. I jokingly asked him if he had ever had sex with one of the prostitutes, and he said yes. We talked about this over the next few weeks after we came home. He said he had done this somewhere between 5 to 10 times (he can’t remember the exact number) in his 20s and 30s. The last time was 25 years ago, before he got married (he is divorced now). He now says he is sorry because he didn’t realize that many prostitutes are trafficked, exploited, financially desperate, etc., especially in this type of situation (e.g., they were not high-end escorts). I appreciate his honesty and that we have talked this over, but I am also very bothered by the idea that he could treat women as commodities like this and just pick someone out to have sex with, even though she had already had sex 10-plus times that day, perhaps involuntarily, and almost certainly out of financial desperation, not out of desire to do this.
Should I just get over this, or should I let my discomfort about it end this relationship? If I should get over it, do you have any tips on how I can just let it go and not bring it up again? We haven’t exactly fought about it, but I don’t think he wants to continue talking about it, and honestly, he’s said about all he can say.
– Thank you
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Meredith Hoss Goldstein’s Answer
Only you can decide whether his past is a deal-breaker. Some people wouldn’t be disturbed by what he did more than two decades ago, but you are. The question is: What do you need to know to make peace with this information? What else can he say to end this conversation for good?
The answer to your question will be clear if you focus on that adverb. If you do, in fact, believe him, you should be able to move on, even if it takes time and biting your tongue. But if “generally” means that you don’t trust him, this is about more than what he did when he was in his 30s.
– Meredith
Readers? How can she put it out of her mind? Should she?
The El Pres Answer
First of all I don’t even get Hoss Goldstein’s answer. It sounded like a Chinese fortune cookie or something.
“The answer to your question will be clear if you focus on the adverb”
What the fuck does that mean? Anyway as much as I’d love to give this chick advice I just can’t. Instead I have advice for this dude. GROW UP! Yo when your girlfriend asks if you’ve ever banged prostitutes you say no 1,000% of the time. This girl wasn’t even asking seriously. She jokingly asked if you’d ever paid for sex and you say yes about 10 times? What type of absolute lunatic does that? There are some things chicks just don’t understand in life. Having sex with strippers and whores is one of them. Doesn’t matter when you did it or whether you were dating. They just can’t grasp their brains around it. They don’t understand gambling either. You just deny, deny, deny especially when you weren’t really asked about it in the first place. You literally don’t deserve to have a wife or serious girlfriend when you spill the beans about this type of shit.