Red Lobster's Sales Have Spiked 33% Since Beyonce Mentioned It In Her New Song

CNN- When Beyoncé put out her first song since 2014 over the weekend, Red Lobster probably wasn’t expecting a sales bump to result. The sit-down seafood restaurant got one anyway. The chain said sales were up 33% on Sunday over the previous year, thanks to a lyric in the new track that suggests using Red Lobster’s food as a reward for sex. Red Lobster spokesperson Erica Ettori said the brand was mentioned on Twitter 42,000 times in a single hour and trended for the first time in history. Beyoncé’s overtly political new song, called “Formation,” addresses police brutality, Hurricane Katrina and black culture in America. The former Destiny’s Child star also touches on her personal wealth and influence, saying “I might just be a black Bill Gates in the making.” The Red Lobster sales spike occurred despite its social media response. On Sunday, the chain’s Twitter account offered up a cringe-worthy pun: “‘Cheddar Bey Biscuits’ has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”

Further proof that being a celebrity is the greatest thing that can happen to a person. So much power. So much influence.  So much money. Beyonce is at the peak of her powers. She is incredibly famous. So much so that she can simply mention a restaurant and sales instantly go through the roof. That’s insane. How do you even decide how to wield that type of power? Do people like Beyonce and Jay Z sit around and say, “Watch this. I’m gonna randomly mention Red Lobster in my next song and watch the world explode.” That’s what I would do. Just play with the power. Pick random and obscure products, put them in my songs and watch the world go nuts. Have fun with it. I’d mention Juicy Fruit gum. Or Whatchamacallit candy bars. Or RC Cola. Or Totino’s pizza. And boom. They’d trend on Twitter and sell out. It’s like that bit Chappelle used to do about famous people making ordinary people famous simply by letting them suck your dick. But with products. It’s like magic.

By the way, Red Lobster is delicious. Just because it’s a chain seafood restaurant doesn’t mean it stinks. Or maybe since I live in the middle of the map I’ve never had good seafood and don’t know the difference.  Either way, I will throw DOWN on Red Lobster. And I have a bunch of times. I’m not just talking about the cheddar biscuits everyone rants and raves about. I’m talking the entire menu. I tweeted this the other day  but I once ate 100 popcorn shrimp on a dare at Red Lobster and puked in the parking lot. It was awesome. Red Lobster is fine dining in these parts. If I ever become such a snob that I look down on Red Lobster I will kill myself.