There's A Guy Following Ted Cruz Around With A "Ted Cruz Likes Nickelback" Sign
USA TODAY- Presidential campaigns get nasty, and candidates expect any level of attack. This, though, is a bit much: A young man has followed Ted Cruz in Iowa, holding a sign that says the Republican likes Nickelback, as captured by journalists across Twitter. Nickelback, despite millions of fans, remains the Internet’s de facto choice for worst band on earth. Now libel is a real thing, dear reader, and we tread lightly when publishing accusations that might damage a person’s reputation. But still, you gotta see these Ted-Cruz-likes-Nickelback pics: The sign-holding protestor wouldn’t explain who he was or whether he’s affiliated with a rival campaign, The Washington Post explains. “They’re both Canadian,” he said of the band and the Texas senator who was born in Canada to an American mother.
This is too far. You can go after a guy’s history, you can go after a guy’s citizenship, you can go after a guy’s criminal record, hell, you can go after a guy’s family and insult his mother. But making the claim that Ted Cruz likes Nickelback? That ain’t right. An accusation like that is as bad as a murder accusation. If I’m Ted Cruz, I’d rather have rumors floating around that I’m a #FingersInTheBootyAssBitch than be hit with the stink of people thinking I like Nickelback. And quite frankly, being a #FITBAB would be easier to come back from. Fingers in the booty is whatever. Sex (or at the least the kind I’ve experienced) is essentially passionate wrestling. Bodies awkwardly tumbling around, legs going every which way, feet all over the place and whoops maybe a finger or two goes into a butthole. No big deal. That’s much easier to explain to your voters than, “The Long Road is my favorite album ever.” There’s simply no coming back from that.
This kid even got a shout out from Nickelback
How much must it suck for the guys of Nickelback to know they’re the go-to band for suckiness? I’m sure they’re still rich thanks to the trailer parks but it’s still gotta sting a little bit. Or maybe sting a lot.
#NeverForget
